101 Crazy Days in Avengers Tower
by f-romanoff-13
Summary: Prank wars, science-gone-wrong, awry magic, misplaced weapons... What could possibly go wrong with six super heroes living under one roof?
1. Rules

"Hey Nat, have you seen this e-mail?"

"No, what is it?" she asked, crossing the room to stand behind him, passing Clint a fresh mug of coffee while she sipper her own

**To: CBarton2 , NRomanoff1 **  
**From: MHill5 **  
**Subject: **Betting Activities

Agents,  
It is reminded that placing bets within the workplace is prohibited.  
Betting on which new recruit will have a mental breakdown next is not an activity we expect our top agents to participate in, and it is particularly frowned on when said agents terrorise the new recruits in order to ensure they win.  
Agents Barton and Romanoff are expected to pay back the hundreds of dollars they have won and refrain from such activity in the future.  
They will also stop scaring off out new recruits or will be faced with disciplinary action in the future

Thank you for your cooperation,  
Maria Hill  
Deputy Director of S.H.I.E.L.D

"You gonna give your money back?" Clint asked, taking a sip of coffee

"No, I won almost $900, you?"

"I got $750 and already spent it"

Natasha smiled, she wondered where his new guitar had come from...

The computer pinged as Clint received another e-mail

**To: CBarton2 , NRomanoff1 **  
**From: MHill5 **  
**Subject: **Further restrictions

Agents Barton and Romanoff,

At the request of several agents, I have been asked to remind you of the following:  
- Water balloons are strictly prohibited on the hellicarrier  
- Paintball fights are not appropriate in the hallways  
- Encouraging Darcy Lewis to taze people is frowned upon  
- When someone gives you decaf it is not them trying to poison you, and neither of you have the power to fire someone  
- Replacing the new recruits training weapons with nerf guns is neither funny or helpful  
- If any more ridiculous stories regarding Fury's eye patch start circulating, I know who it was  
- Agent Romanoff, you can not break every guys wrist who compliments your looks. However inappropriate please report the incident and don't take it into your own hands  
- Agent Barton, same goes for you  
- Handcuffing two agents together and hiding the key is not an appropriate pass time  
- Neither is sabotaging Stark's experiments  
- The clothes, jewellery, watches and cars we assign you for undercover missions are the property of Shield, they do not belong to you  
- This year you are both under strict orders not to show up to work on April Fool's day  
- Spying on senior agents in the air vents will not be tolerated  
- Please stop changing other agent's computer desktop images

I am sure there are other protocols and rules I should remind you of, but I'll be here all day and I still have to fix your last mess. So please behave like the respectable Agents you are perceived to be and I won't have to keep sending you these annoying emails

Thank you for your cooperation,  
Maria Hill  
Deputy Director of S.H.I.E.L.D

"You gonna stop?" Clint asked when he'd finished reading

"No, you?"

"No way!"


	2. Nicknames

"Coulson" Tony greeted as he entered the man's office. He didn't wait for an invite before sitting down across from him and propping his feet up on the desk

Coulson, ever the professional, ignored Stark's lack of manners and got right to business'

"Tony, I called you down here because the other Avengers are refusing to work with you unless you stop calling them all stupid nicknames"

"Who complained? It was Bird Boy wasn't it?"

"Tony-"

"Or Capsicle, it could have been him..."

"Tony-"

"I bet it was Spidey! Was it her?"

"Tony, I have a list of names you are no longer allowed to use. You are no longer to refer to Clint as 'Legolas', 'Merida', 'Katniss', 'Robin Hood' or 'Bird Boy'"

"What about 'Cupid'?"

"No"

"Hawky?"

"Again, I'm going to say no"

"Big Bird!"

"Stark!"

"I knew it was Barton..."

"It wasn't just him. You are no longer permitted to address Natasha as 'Natashalie'"

"Aw but that's a good one!" he whined

"Or; 'Incy Wincy', 'Czarina', 'Little Red', 'Nattie', 'Riding Hood' or 'Spider Girl'"

"Damn it Spidey, I thought she liked those names"

"She threatened to break your nose next time you used one of them"

"Roger, ixnay on those names, 'Anastacia' is still good though right?"

"She never mentioned that one" Phil said, scanning down the list but not liking the grin Tony now wore

"Steve requests you stop referring to him as 'Grandpa', 'Spangles', 'Capsicle', and most of all 'Captain Tight Pants', and Bruce wants you to stop calling him 'Big Green',  
'Gamma Guy', 'Shrek' and 'Jolly Green Giant'"

"What about 'Brucie'?"

"That one he doesn't mind. And Thor-"

"Even Point Break had complaints?"

"Yes, even Thor. Don't call him 'Blondie', 'Pikachu', 'Goldilocks', 'MC Hammer' or 'Shakespeare' anymore please"

"Is that it?" Tony asked, losing interest

"Almost, if it gets back to Fury that you, or any of the other Avengers refer to him as the Avenger's 'Absentee Father' again, he will be less than amused"

Tony stifled a laugh, but Coulson glared

"It is also not acceptable to refer to Hill as their 'Evil Step Mom' or me as the 'Babysitter'"

"Is that it? Can I go?"

Coulson nodded, not sure the meeting with Stark had actually accomplished anything.

Once outside, Tony scrolled through his phone before finding the five contacts he was after:

**To:** Capsicle, Leoglas, Natashalie, Point Break, Shrek

_'Babysitter just told me off, doesn't like his nickname. He wants us to stop mocking Mom and Dad too _  
_Ps. Thanks for tattling!'_


	3. Mini Pizza

Natasha walked onto the communal floor in Avenger's tower to a scene she wasn't quite sure what to make of;

Clint was stood with his bow drawn and an arrow pointed clearly at Tony's face. Tony, although backed up against the wall, wore a small smirk on his face while Thor tried to play mediator;

"Now calm down Hawk, the Man of Iron will concede what he took"

"Like hell I will" Tony informed him, causing Clint to draw his bow back further

"Stark, give it back" Clint warned

"No! Oh hey Red, when did you get back?" Tony asked noticing her stood watching them

"Nice try Stark"

"No really, Nat's here"

Natasha was just about to sneak back out, not wanting to get involved in whatever the hell it was that was going on. She'd just gotten back from a solo mission; she was covered in soot and mud and really needed a shower. The only reason she'd stopped at this floor at all was because she could probably do with someone looking at a wound on her back which she thought might require stitches, Clint was usually the person to do this for her but it seemed he was otherwise occupied...

"Tasha?" Clint asked, not daring to let Tony out of his site or move his weapon from where it was perfectly aimed, he was stood with his back to her at present

"I just got back" Natasha finally answered Tony's question, "What are you guys doing?" she asked, letting her curiosity get the better of her but instantly regretting it

"Stark took my-"

"MY!" Tony interrupted

"**My **last mini-pizza" Clint finished

"That's what all this is about?! Just go to the store and get some more!" she told them

"He can!" they both echoed in synchronisation as Thor rolled his eyes;

"Lady Pepper gave up 10 minutes ago" he informed her, leaving the floor after also giving up

Natasha walked further into the room, finally coming into Clint's peripheral vision and the state of her made him finally removed his gaze from his bow's aim;

"Nat, are you okay?" he asked worriedly

"I'm fine, but I need stitches. You going to come do it or should I go find Bruce?"

"Okay, come on" he told her, glaring at Stark as he left. Tony happily crammed the whole mini pizza in his mouth, realising his mistake when it burnt and scolded and he ended up running to the sink to spit it out.

* * *

**Hi all! :) **

**Thanks for reading, and thank you so much for all your reviews; your responses have been amazing.**

**The plan for this fic is to fill 101 chapters of randomeness that goes on around the tower, so if you have anything you want to read, prompts or suggestions please let me know, I will always give it a go, but can't promise to write everything that comes my way, but ill try :)**

**~ FR**


	4. Jarvis

Pepper was riding the elevator up to the communal floor with handful of paperwork. She already wasn't in the best of moods; Tony had missed a really important board meeting he'd promised to attend at Stark Industries.

The elevator stopped at the correct floor, but as the doors began to open they froze. Pepper waited, impatiently tapping her food and when they didn't budge any further she asked

"Jarvis? Jarvis the elevator doors are stuck"

There was no answer

"Tony!" she shouted, and the billionaire came running into view

"Oh hi Pepper, hand on a minute" he muttered, running off

"Didn't you get my text?" he shouted from the other end of them room

"What, no I- wait, here it is" she looked down at her phone reading;

_'Don't get in the elevator. Jarvis broken'_

"What do you mean Jarvis is broken?" she asked, as Tony shouted Steve to help

Steve pried the elevator doors open a few more inches as Pepper squeezed through

Tony looked up to the ceiling worryingly "Someone tried to hack him, of course they failed but something went wrong when I rebooted him"

The other Avenger's walked in at that moment, none looking impressed

Natasha's hair was dripping wet as she stood wearing a pair Clint's boxers and his shirt; she'd been in the shower in his room following a mission when the hot water had shut off and gone freezing cold, to make matters worse Jarvis had also sealed off her room and she couldn't get to any of her clothes.

Thor didn't look happy; when Jarvis malfunctioned the appliances in the kitchen went crazy; the coffee machine covered him with iced coffee and the microwave burnt (completely, to a crisp) his last pop tarts. Natasha bitterly reminded him that at least he had access to a change of clothes.

Clint limped in behind Tasha, glaring ahead of him; he'd been training in the gym, running a rather intense obstacle course Natasha had set out for him and bet he couldn't complete when the gym had been plunged into complete darkness, he'd tripped, fallen and almost broken his ankle.

And only now, looking at them as a whole did Pepper realise Tony's clothes were slightly singed at the end, he told her how the fire extinguishers had refused to work following the Bunsen burners in his lab getting rather over excited. He was also sporting a growing bruise on his jaw; he'd decided to tease Natasha about her apparent lack of clothing and she hadn't taken too kindly to it

"Where's Bruce?" Pepper asked, concerned

"He erm, he's locked in the Hulk's room" Tony answered, referring to the containment cell he'd built on Bruce's floor incase it was needed

Only Steve looked like he'd escaped Jarvis' malfunctioning

"How long until he's fixed?"

"I'm working on it, give me a minute" Tony said, furiously typing on his laptop

"Jarvs, you back?"

"Good afternoon sir, it's a relief to be pineapple"

"Nice try Stark" Natasha said tiredly, rubbing her wet hair out of her face as she tried to stifle a yawn

"Damn"

"Sir, it appears I still have sheep affecting my volcanoes"

"Is it at least safe to get a cup of coffee?" Clint asked hopefully

"It would be unwise to dance"

Clint sighed, and threw himself onto the sofa next to Natasha; who promptly lay her head in his lap and fell asleep, exhausted from her mission

"Jarvis do you know who hacked you?" Steve asked, uncertain if he'd used the correct terminology. But Tony didn't correct him, so he figured he was ignoring him or it was okay

"Crabs... Sharks... Seagulls"

"Wait, I think I got it! Jarvis?"

"Pas tout à fait monsieur"

Tony started hitting his computer once again in frustration

"しかし、いつものように、それはあなたの仕事を見て喜びです"

"Did you just change language?"

"Se pitää vaihdellut"

"Does anyone speak French, Japanese and erm... I'm going to guess at Polish?"

"Finnish" Clint corrected, "And Nat does, but she's sleeping"

"Wake her?"

"No"

"Clint"

"Tony"

"जार्विस"

"Urgh this is frustrating!"

"Верувај ми, знам"

"I'm going back to work" Pepper informed him, passing him the transcribes from the meeting he'd missed and opting to take the stairs to the ground floor.

She only hoped he'd fix the tower before she got home!

* * *

_Translations from Google, sorry if there are any that are incorrect:_

Pas tout à fait monsieur (French): Not quite, sir

しかし、いつものように、それはあなたの仕事を見て喜びです (Japanese): However, as always it's a pleasure to watch you work

Se pitää vaihdellut (Finnish): It does keep fluctuating

जार्विस (Hindi): Jarvis

Верувај ми, знам (Macedonian): Believe me, I know


	5. Vacation

As Tony entered the communal floor, he noticed the slightly elevated mood of his teammates

"What's going on?" he asked Bruce as he helped himself to another cup of coffee

"Fury's giving us a few days off, he's got the Fantastic Four and Spiderman on standby so we can have some downtime"

"You sure he's not just trying to get rid of us for a few days after what happened in Manhattan?"

"It's possible, but who cares? I haven't had time off for almost three years" Clint chimed in

"It's been almost eight for me" Natasha added, taking a seat next to Clint and stealing half his sandwich

"What's your plans?" Bruce asked everyone generally

"I'm going to take Pep to Malibu, we haven't had a chance to go since the rebuild" Tony answered, returning the question to Bruce

"I'm going to go back East for a while, head back to India and see if there's anything I can do to help"

"Steve?" Tony asked, watching as Clint and Natasha seemed to have a silent conversation

"I think I'm going to head North, I never did finish my tour of America"

Tony now turned his attention to Clint and Natasha, silently waiting for their silent debate to be over

Clint opened his mouth to answer but Natasha cut him off; "No"

"But-"

"No"

Tony glanced to Bruce and Steve, Steve wisely choosing to remain out of it, but Bruce shrugged and it only encouraged Tony to pry

"No what?"

"I want to go to Barbados with our time off"

"And..?"

"And Tasha doesn't"

"Where do you want to go Widow?"

"Krokow" she answered, Clint rolled his eyes

"Why Krakow?"

"Why not?" she shrugged, taking more food off Clint's plate

The silent debate went on throughout dinner and made the other three Avengers less than comfortable

"Alright Tony, how attached are you to that wall?" Bruce asked, appearing in the doorway holding a large piece of paper

"Erm I'd say moderately, why?"

Bruce didn't answer, instead pinning up a map of the world and handing Natasha a dart

"Throw it, where it lands, that's where you go, both agreed?"

Natasha nodded, a smile tugging at her lips. This is a fantastic way to solve these disagreements in the future... She wondered why they'd never thought of it before

"Wow not fair, she has near perfect aim" Clint complained as Natasha played with the dart, not lining it much she put it down and picked up a small knife from the kitchen worktop

Tony grabbed a napkin and blindfolded her, thanking Natasha for not breaking his wrists as he did so

"Better?" Natasha asked Clint who sighed but agreed, he knew just where they'd be going on holiday and it wasn't warm, sunny and full of beaches

Natasha threw the knife, and it embedded itself firmly in the wall, towards the bottom of Poland. She removed the makeshift blindfold and smiled, kissing Clint on the cheek she announced

"I'll go pack" before leaving the floor

"Sorry, I thought it'd make it fair" Bruce told Clint

"It's alright, I knew she'd win eventually..."


	6. Widow's Bites

Pepper walked into the communal living room in Avengers Tower to see Tony lay on the sofa, clutching his head in his hands and groaning while Bruce was knelt beside him, checking his pulse

"Oh Tony, what happened?" she asked, dropping the bags in her hands and rushing over

"I'm fine Pep, I'm fine" he slurred "I just got electrocuted"

"E-electrocuted?!" she asked, needing clarification  
"What did you do this time?" she asked, her voice taking on a tone of cynicism

"Hey, not totally my fault" he defended, to which Bruce kind of nodded

Natasha entered the lounge then, wearing her Black Widow uniform having just returned from a mission

"Hey Tony, I'm really sorry I-" she stopped as she noticed Pepper

"Word of advice Pep, don't ever try and sneak up on the Widow"

Pepper rolled her eyes at her boyfriend; "You okay Natasha?"

"Is she okay?! She's the one who used her damn widow bites on me!"

"I'm sure you deserved it Tony" Pepper scolded him

"Yeah Stark, surely you know by now not to sneak up behind Nat, especially not post-mission Nat" Clint said, slinging his arm over Natasha's shoulders

"I don't understand how this is my fault, I'm the injured one here!"

"I'm sorry Tony, you just startled me"

Tony stopped for a minute, realising Natasha had just admitted something that in her eyes was a weakness

"Wow, must have been a tough mission, where were you" he asked quietly

"Moscow" she answered before leaving to change

"Damn" he sighed

**XxX**

Later that night Clint and Bruce enjoyed showing Thor and Steve the video footage of what they'd missed that day;  
Tony, thinking he was being clever had snuck up on Natasha, who had just that moment walked out of the elevator following her latest mission.  
He grabbed her shoulders to make her jump, but she responded by flipping him onto the floor and using her widow bites to knock him out before she realised who it was

They took great joy in watching it over and over, and even posted it on YouTube.  
They only took it off the internet because Natasha threatened to add videos of her electrocuting the four of them aswell if they didn't

They laughed it off, but Clint quickly clarified that she was serious so Bruce rushed to remove the video before she could make good on her threat


	7. Arrested

Natasha and Pepper were sat chatting when Jarvis' voice interrupted;

"Miss Potts, there is an Officer Clark on the phone for you"

"Why is there an Officer on the phone for me exactly?"

"It transpires that Sir, Agent Barton and Thor have been arrested"

Natasha laughed as Pepper rolled her eyes

Steve looked over, lost for words and a little taken aback

"Jarvis, tell the Police Offer that no one is home"

"Yes Miss Potts"

"Aren't you- aren't you going to go and, I don't know, bail them out?" Steve asked

"Yeah, later" Pepper said with a noncommittal shrug of the shoulder

"Relax Steve, they'll be fine. We're just going to make them suffer for a little while first" Natasha added with a glint in her eye

"Is this because Tony told you you couldn't handle going out drinking with them?" Steve guessed

"No, it'd because the idiot shouldn't have been stupid enough to get arrested in the first place, but if it teaches him two lessons at once, then so be it" Pepper replied smugly

Steve's phone started ringing next;

"Don't answer it Steve" Pepper instructed him. He put his phone back down on the table ignoring the constant ringing until it stopped

"Thank you"

Steve nodded, in honest he was still a little intimidated by the two red headed females, and if one of them asked him to do something he would probably do it

A moment later Bruce stepped off the elevator;

"Tasha, you know Clint's in jail right?"

"Yeah I know"

"But you're still here?"

"Yep"

"Oh, okay then" he guessed the women's game pretty quickly before speaking into his phone; "Sorry Clint, she's not here"

Natasha and Pepper heard Clint pleading down the phone, Bruce shot Natasha another glance before she sighed and took the phone

"Tasha I'm sorry!"

"What are you sorry for Clint?"

The question seemed to throw him for a minute before he answered;

"I'm sorry Tony is such an ass"

She heard Tony complaining at the other end of the line, and smiled despite herself

"And I'm sorry I was such a jerk, and guys night sucks! I'm not going on anymore guys nights"

"Okay fine, I'll come bail you and Thor out, but Tony has got to make it up to Pepper before I come down there"

Clint sighed, and Natasha heard the phone change hands before she passed the phone to Pepper. From what she could hear, there was a lot of grovelling going on. It took a while, but Pepper seemed finally satisfied

"Okay, come on let's go, I kinda feel sorry for Thor" Pepper said, climbed to her feet

"What did they get arrested for?" Steve asked as the two women headed to the elevator, they burst out laughing at the question leaving Bruce to answer it

"They got arrested for being drunk and disorderly"

"Why, what were they doing?"

Bruce smiled; "Impersonating the Avengers"


End file.
